Twenty dates

After the first date, I sent an email to my four closest friends. The subject read, “Would it be too much if I said I met my soul mate?”

On the sixth date, I was certain I had. It was this feeling in my gut that translated into happiness and peace and calmness. People I hardly knew would look at me and laugh, “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” I was radiating complete confidence, self acceptance and joy.

On the tenth date, I realized that my soul mate was not actually perfect, I began to withdraw out of fear.

On the twelfth date, I realized that my soul mate, while far from perfect, was also not looking for the same thing I was. “I just want to be left alone.” he had said. I–single for the majority of my life–understood that sentiment; I didn’t even take it personally. “OK” I countered. “I can leave you alone.” He–in committed, long term relationships for most of his life–did not know what he wanted. “No, don’t leave me alone” he had replied.

On the seventeenth date, I could feel my soul mate chickening out. He had got caught up in something far more complex than he was ready for; he couldn’t handle it.

On the eighteenth date, I was so scared that the end was near that I withdrew even more. I pushed him further away. Then, I pulled him closer. Then, I pushed him away again. He employed the exact same strategy.

On the twentieth date, we both gave up.  He made a choice and I did not even attempt to fight for what I wanted. All because of fear, insecurity, bitterness and anger of issues that had nothing to do with him. I suspect he unfairly judged me and our brief affair in the same way that I did.

Two months later, I still believe that I met my soul mate. But sometimes, even when soul mates do meet, it doesn’t mean that they will–or should–be together.

He wasn’t the one. But he was a kindred spirit. He was a soul mate. And for this reason alone, I still miss him.

Fuck.

Modal verbs

I can’t:

Decide in which direction to take this blog.  Find the right colour to paint my flat. Style my bangs. Wake up in the morning.

I can:

Make a four month old smile by simply entering the room.  Watch back to back episodes of The West Wing for the twentieth time and still feel like I’m watching for the very first time.  Believe in better days. Look like a million bucks even when–inside–I feel like a crumpled, dirty, counterfeit five euro note.

I won’t:

Let my past experiences act like predictors for the future. Lie; Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry is one of my most listened to tracks on iTunes. Be broke and in debt forever. [Right?]

I will:

Eventually, get on an airplane. Buy new leggings. And new panties. [Faded and outstretched do not a femme fatale make]  Stop blaming myself for the flawed behaviour of others. Love myself.

I should:

Floss more often. Eat better.  Start Pilates again. Wear heels more often.  Probably, stop giving the evil eye to all couples I see on the street. [Bitterness is for spinsters. Not for 28-year-old, adorably neurotic women who, let's be realistic, have plenty of options left.]

I shouldn’t:

Put too much stock in Susan Miller’s prediction that October 16th marks the beginning of an exciting new era romantically.  Expect anything. Be afraid of letting the next one in.

*As seen on It’s like I’m…Magic almost four months ago.

Expectations

In the beginning…

…it wasn’t his kiss that left me breathless.

It was the thought of what the kiss could mean.

In the middle…

…it wasn’t his presence that made my life beautiful.

It was the thought of what his presence should mean.

At the end…

…it wasn’t his words that left me broken.

It was the thought of what his words would (always) mean.

P is for Perfect

Yesterday was a bad day. Yesterday was one of those days were you fail to see all that you have and all that you do do. In honour of today and feeling a lot better, I finally decided to complete The Perfect Meme that I saw over at Brandy’s a couple of weeks ago.

The perfect outfit

It depends on the time of year and the occasion. In summer, my perfect outfit are always dresses; whether its my bright, floral maxi dress or a shorter emerald green dress. I love that all I need to do is slip them on. No mess, no fuss. That is the reason that my perfect outfit in winter is a pair of jeans, boots,  a sweater and a pretty scarf. I may be high mainteneance emotionally, but I’m a pretty low maintenance kind of girl.

The perfect meal

I have began to really despise food questions. (I’m looking at you Crohn’s Disease!) I guess at this point, anything that doesn’t make my intestines squirm is a winner!

The perfect hangover cure

I haven’t had a hangover since April of 2002. True story. This has mainly to do with the fact that I stopped drinking then started again but always knew my limit and then stopped again. So, best hangover cure ala Hope, just drink in moderation to begin with. It may not be sexy, fun or rock ‘n roll– but its true.

The perfect road trip

A couple of years ago, three friends and I jumped into an Audi A3 and hit the road. I don’t remember the music, I don’t remember the journey, I don’t recall the  topics of conversation. All I remember is the constant laughing. That’s my perfect road trip.

The perfect facial feature

While a smile would be on my top 3 perfect facial features. Nothing beats those expressions of complete shock. The ones with raised eyebrows and mouths shaped in an O. Those make me giggle.

The perfect drink

An iced chai latte. Yum-ee.

The perfect song

Anna Begins| Counting Crows

Chasing Cars | Snow Patrol

Say Goodnight & Go | Imogen Heap

Hallelujah | Jeff Buckley

The perfect sign of affection

A guiding hand at the small of my back.

The perfect afternoon

Napping with the one you love. In my case, Diego.

The perfect vacation

While I do love those sightseeing vacations especially in European cities with cobblestone pavements and good food (Hi Barcelona! Hi Florence!) I do also pretty much adore the standrad Greek Island vacation. These usually follow the same schedule everyday. Breakfast time-Beach time-Lunch time-Nap time-Walk time-Dinner time-Card games on a balcony time/Drink time.

The perfect invention

Hair straighteners.

The perfect type of wedding

Intimate, late morning, early Autumn

The perfect album

The Killers| Hot Fuss

The perfect accent

First place, British.

Second place, Spanish.

Third place, Irish.

The perfect date

The kind that never end. A quick coffee turns to a long walk, a long walk turn to lunch followed by drinks followed by dinner.

The perfect weather

Crisp, sunny winter mornings. Cool, summer evenings.

The perfect party

Eclectic mix of people. BBQ. A pool. Candles. The Rizla Game.

The perfect sport

Football.

The perfect thing to say

I have given this so much thought my brain hurts. This dialogue between Josh and Donna  from The West Wing pretty much sums it up for me.

Josh: You know, if you were in an accident I wouldn’t stop for a beer.

Donna: If you were in an accident, I wouldn’t stop for red lights.

The perfect day of the week

Monday because  I’m a morning person. And Monday, well Monday is like the morning of the week.

It Takes 20 Steps To Lose Faith in People

(Alternative Title: As Jon Stewart says: BE A FUCKING PERSON)

Some of you may recall a hypothetical problem I presented here on my blog in April.

Today, after my final resort blew up in my face, I have decided to name and shame. Please understand that I have done everything I can do (except hire a lawyer because did you know that lawyers are very expensive?) I am doing this on the off chance that one of you are considering hiring this company. I think it is only fair for you to know what you may (or may not) be putting yourself in for. I am also aware that the blogosphere is small and the community that I am a part of is even smaller. I know that many of you have used this design studio for your own blogs. (That’s the reason I approached them to begin with) You may have even written a testimonial for them to put on their website. You may even love them. 

But  this has been my personal experience with Delicious Design Studio.

 

1. I initially approached DDS in August 2008. I was asked to pay 50% of the fee as a deposit. This amounted to $222.50. 

2. I was sent a proposal that included a time line. It stated that my project would take 6-8 weeks. 

3. I was then put on their schedule for November, 2008. In order to clarify, I sent Jessica an email. She responded that my project  ’will most likely begin within the next few weeks“. 

4. It didn’t. 

5. On November 10th, I sent an email to determine when we will get started. Jessica replies that “You are on the schedule for November! I will be starting your project asap!“

6. On December 8th, after no further communication (and my patience wearing thin) I ask her to return my deposit. 

7. She replies on December 24th, informing me that my design is in progress. 

8. January 6th+7th: After a series of emails, Jessica writes: “I am sorry you feel that way. If I can do anything to change your mind, please let me know. I have gotten so behind due to illness, moving and everything else and I am sorry that I did not live up to my expectations. I would love to still continue the project and would even be willing to work on getting you designed tonight. If I offer you that, would you like to still continue working with me? Now I am not an unreasonable person. I am understanding to the point of ridiculousness and I thought that her response was very professional and also very human. So I agreed to continue working with DDS. (Please note that nowhere in our exchanges did she mention to me that she would not return my deposit if I didn’t.)

9. On January 20th Jessica writes: “I have created a 3 column for you with the navigation links at top. I will also help you set up the links! I am finalizing the images to send to you and everything will be done. Yippee! :) At this point, I am thrilled. Finally, my blog is getting a makeover! (Please note that Jessica has not sent me any previews yet.)

10. On February 5 I send her an email asking about the progress of my design as I have not heard anything. She does not reply. 

11. On February 17 I send another email. She does not reply.

12. On March 6, I send another email. She does not reply.

13. On March 26, I send another email. She does not reply. 

14. On April 6, 7, 10, 13 I send more emails. She does not reply. 

15. Finally, ten weeks after no contact, Jessica replies with the following: “Thank you for your e-mails.  We have been on administrative leave the month of April to launch projects that are in progress from last year. We are launching about 3 a day, and yours will be one of them coming up this week. Thank you for your patience!”  We exchange a series of emails the gist of which is:

Me: WANT MY MONEY BACK NOW.

Her: Er no. Our terms & conditions stipulate that refunds are not given under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. 

16. File a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. 

17. DDS responds to my complaint via the BBS complaint form by cutting and pasting their terms & conditions.

18. After some thought (and investigating), I respond that I do not accept their response for two main reasons. One, the terms & conditions I ‘agreed’ to in August 2008 were not the same terms & conditions that are posted on the DDS website now. It seems that they can change them whenever they see fit. Two, the conduct of DDS has been extremely unprofessional. Seriously? Ten weeks to respond to one email? Eight months for a blog design? Its not like its a website with an online shopping function, dudes. Plus, I was never, ever told that the waiting list would be 9 months plus. I was told that there was a ‘lengthy turnaround” which I took to understand 3-4 months. 

19. DDS does not respond to the Better Business Bureau. The case is closed as unresolved. According to the BBB their public records will show  ”BBB determined that despite the company’s reasonable effort to address complaint issues, the consumer remained dissatisfied.” This annoys me because Jessica’s efforts were not reasonable. They were the least anyone would do. The company failed to follow through with BBB procedure. THAT IS WHAT SHOULD BE WRITTEN. This makes me sound like the unreasonable one. 

20. Lose faith in all people and choose to blog all about it.  

So, if you’re considering hiring Delicious Design Studio. DON’T. I do not recommend them at all. In fact, I thoroughly DIS-RECOMMEND THEM. 

DON’T DO IT.*

[You can totally use Friends' refernces under all circumstances, can't you?]