“”Where are you?” my PIlates instructor scolded on Wednesday as he observed my hips rising and falling from across the room. “You are not concentrating on the movement.” My mind was elsewhere; tangled in a mess of fears and lists and wants and obligations and pain and disappointment and frustration and needs and an unwanted suffocating helplessness.
His voice bought me back to the room. My hips still rising and falling–slowly–as if on autopilot.
“I have to concentrate on the movement?”
“Yes, my dear. All your focus should be on what your body is doing.”
“But, I’m tired.” I whined. “My shoulders hurt. My back hurts.”
He did not even blink before barking,
“Let’s strengthen those areas then.”
“Erm. OK.”
“Try this. Stand up straight.” His hands pushed my lower back upwards and forwards. “Suck in your stomach. Breathe. Let your arms carry the weight.”
“Like this?”
“Exactly. Now give me ten more.”
“Ten more? But, it’s too heavy.”
“Focus. Share the weight.* Breathe. You can do this.”
And I did.
And I will.
(*Thank you so much, all of you, for your awesome words.)
9 responses so far ↓
Queen // May 9, 2008 at 5:31 pm
all can be done if you put your mind to it. (key words: put your MIND to it)
with a couple of deep breathes all is possible. :)
hang in there my friend.
pin // May 9, 2008 at 6:55 pm
just finished reading what i have missed.
i want to comment on so many things but because its me i will only say this:
great fucking posts man.seriously (always in a Jamaican accent…of course)
Ashley // May 9, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Oh sweetie, I just caught up on all that has been going on. And all I can say? I’ve been there. It is so hard. Hang in there and if you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate to email me.
And I agree with Queen–if you put your mind to anything, you can do it. sending you hugs. xoxo
Froggy // May 9, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I find things like yoga and pilates an *excellent* way to pull myself together when I’m feeling mentally run down. Something about getting out of my head for an hour and focusing only on my body–the tension in my muscles, the rhythm of my breath–makes me feel so much more focused and ready to conquer the world.
Sounds like you’re coming back from the brink. Keep trying love, you can definitely make it :)
freeandflawed // May 9, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Hmm….I think I need yoga. Perhaps I can use Paint to draw the positions I get stuck in :)
Molly // May 9, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Of COURSE you can do it. And you will. You are stronger than you think, my dear. We can all see it. xoxo
brookem // May 9, 2008 at 10:19 pm
thinking of you my dear…
i often want to skip out on my yoga class because id rather veg out/watch tv/drink/sleep instead. but i always feel better after class. it helps.
Valerie // May 9, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Yes, you can do it and I’m sure you will. From what I’ve read so far, you seem to be a very strong, resilient person. I wish you all the best. Can’t wait to hear about all the good things to come.
Maria // May 21, 2008 at 5:51 am
it’s so much easier to work out when someone is telling you what to do and forcing you.
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