You said the things I wanted to hear, even though I didn’t ask you to say them. Then, when I needed , when I asked for you to say something–anything really–you said nothing.
You didn’t fight for me. You let me go as if I meant nothing to you to begin with.
You and you and you and you and you and you, you all didn’t want me.
You and you and you and you and you and you, you all didn’t even notice me.
You hit on me. You asked me for my number. Then, you never called.
You did that too.
You went out with me for awhile because I asked you to. Then, you just stopped returning my messages. No explanation.
You did that too.
In exchange for taking me to a movie, you asked me to proofread your essay. I kept my end of the deal. You didn’t.
You said that you couldn’t because my brother was your friend. Then, you dated another friend’s sister for two years.
You said that you couldn’t because my brother was your friend. Then, you kissed another friend’s sister.
Over a home cooked lunch date you told me that you weren’t looking for a relationship. I said I wasn’t either. But you didn’t even try get into my pants.
You left me. You just left. To live your life. A year later, you came back–life, from what I could tell, unlived–telling me you never loved me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to forget that. Because you were the only one I’ve ever really loved.
***
Ghosts whisper within us.
But sometimes?
Sometimes, they really shout.*
(*Paraphrased from something I once read in a journal article by David Barash. Original quote: ‘Our genes whisper within us, they do not shout.’)
9 responses so far ↓
Sara Jane // May 2, 2008 at 4:11 pm
We all have ghosts that remind us of our singledom. I have to admit that there are days that they shout louder than others.
I guess what’s important is that we continue living our lives and loving ourselves.
chasingparadise // May 2, 2008 at 4:37 pm
I wish it were easy to do an exorcism of all of our ghosts. Maybe the strange dreams would stop at night for me.
tiff // May 2, 2008 at 4:44 pm
the ghosts will never get the last word.
Lpeg // May 2, 2008 at 5:09 pm
These ghosts echo in my thoughts. Every time he doesn’t call, every time he doesn’t fight for me, those ghosts are there, to remind me of all the others who did the same thing.
All the others who didn’t care.
Why are we so easy to leave?
Ashley // May 2, 2008 at 5:30 pm
this is hauntingly beautiful. i think we all have these ghosts, whispering and reminding us of our pasts
kristin // May 2, 2008 at 5:38 pm
LOVE this. wish we could shoo are ghosts away. but really, they’re what shapes us into our current selves. they’re our very character.
Chris // May 2, 2008 at 8:09 pm
We’re really pigs, aren’t we? I’m so ashamed of being a man right now… :(
passerby // May 3, 2008 at 12:17 am
man…that “your brother’s my friend”-line…what a weak one… ;-)
This post was an exorcism of sorts I think…it was incredibly satisfying to read.
amber // May 4, 2008 at 8:47 am
This is so beautiful and sad.
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