Looking in

I had a thought the other day.  A thought that led me to make a calculation.  A calculation that led me to more thoughts.

I am 26 years old.  For 14 of those years I lived in Africa; 6 years in the U.K. and 6 years  in Greece. While the blood running through my veins is  one hundred percent Greek; I am not.  According to my calculation I am actually 23% Greek, 23 % British and 54% African. That’s if you lean on the nurture part of the debate.

If like me, you think that nature and nurture both contribute equally then my Greekness will rise to about 60%.  I think that is pretty accurate.  Most days I do feel a little more than half Greek with my heart tucked away in the purple trees of the flattest city I have ever seen. I don’t feel at all British except  that it is the only thing that can account for the inexplicable love I hold for grey weather, mashed potato and Top Gear. And of course Topshop (But everyone loves Topshop so that does not count!)

When I returned to Greece a little over a year ago, I told myself that this time it would be different.  This time  I would immerse myself in the culture.  I would read Greek magazines and Greek newspapers and write in Greek and talk in Greek and then I would BE Greek.  100% Greek.  Accepted as Greek by other Greek Greeks.

Though my intentions were good and while my attempts were many, I gave up after the fourth month.  It is hard living in a country that you should feel comfortable in, but don’t.  It is hard to live in a country where you should belong by name and nationality alone, but don’t.

My whole life I have felt like an outsider looking in.  At school I was the ‘Greek girl’, in Greece I am ‘kseni’ (the foreigner).  When I speak English, most Greeks assume I am American.  When I speak Greek, they look at me and say, “You’re not from here, are you?”

When I first started blogging, I hoped that I would be able to meet other like-minded people.  And I did. All those people that leave comments relate to my experiences and I cherish that more than I could ever really articulate.

But, I always feel that difference.  Take a look at my blogroll.  I read two, TWO bloggers from Greece.  The rest are all American and Canadian (Hi y’all!) They celebrate Halloween and Thanksgiving and watch the NFL and eat stuff I have never heard of and listen to country music and buy clothes from shops I don’t know and live in similar time zones and write States with their acronyms ONLY which then takes me ages to figure out where they went to university  college. (Thank heavens for T.V shows.  When you talk about those, I understand!)

Outside, looking in.  Again.

Yet, I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I heart all your comments and I heart all your blogs.  (Heart-ing is one thing I have picked up from blogging that is now part of my repertoire that I could not live without.)   What I would change if I could is the amount of hits I get from Greece.  So, if you’re reading this from Greece (28% of you are) leave me a comment.  Leave me a comment and point me in the direction of another Greek personal blogger.

I don’t want to be on the outside anymore.